Soul on Fire

Dead is…. Dead.

A friend of mine’s father passed away not too long ago. As with most deaths of a loved one, it was an extremely sad experience. 

He was someone whom I was close with. At the most crucial parts of my life, he was there with open arms and a laugh that always lifted my spirits. Although I took his death seemingly hard, I’ve never been the one to be deluded by what being dead means.

My friend came to me the other day, upset and hurt at a comment one of her professors said to her. He said, “So, your father is dead?”, and she was completely taken aback by this statement. In her eyes, to say that someone is dead is insensitive. She feels as though saying someone has passed is a better way to describe what has happened.

I couldn’t disagree more.

No, I’m not the most sensitive person when it comes to peoples feelings, and I’m sure my comment made me look like a mean person, but I had to let her know that saying someone is dead, and saying that someone has passed are exactly the same things. 

Why sugarcoat something so inedible as death? Nothing will make it go down any easier. The lump in your throat that forms after hearing that someone who was here yesterday is gone today is extremely hard to swallow. Yet, this lump will grow massively if you continue to add unnecessary elements to it.

Being alive makes death a harder experience to grasp. We haven’t the slightest clue what goes on after our heart beats its last beat, and our last breath slowly escapes our dead lips. But we should acknowledge the lives of people who have passed distantly. Holding on to them so tightly and trying to will their lifeless bodies back to life will do nothing, save leave you in the same place for years—in misery’s presence. 

Really, I just don’t want to see her become destroyed over what has happened. No matter how it’s worded, her father is dead, gone, has passed, is no longer alive, has gone to a better place, etc. As insensitive as it may sound, it’s the truth, and the fact of the truth hurting has yet to change.